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<title>Nuke Sparklebutt the Vamp by ChaosDancer12, Firehedgehog, MistraltheSkelegirl, moonstarsalign</title>
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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/29475585">Nuke Sparklebutt the Vamp</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/ChaosDancer12/pseuds/ChaosDancer12'>ChaosDancer12</a>, <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Firehedgehog/pseuds/Firehedgehog'>Firehedgehog</a>, <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/MistraltheSkelegirl/pseuds/MistraltheSkelegirl'>MistraltheSkelegirl</a>, <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/moonstarsalign/pseuds/moonstarsalign'>moonstarsalign</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Twilight Series - Stephenie Meyer</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Crack, Not Serious, SI for multiple people, not twilight fans</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-02-15</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-02-15</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-15 22:07:26</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>451</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/29475585</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/ChaosDancer12/pseuds/ChaosDancer12, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Firehedgehog/pseuds/Firehedgehog, https://archiveofourown.org/users/MistraltheSkelegirl/pseuds/MistraltheSkelegirl, https://archiveofourown.org/users/moonstarsalign/pseuds/moonstarsalign</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Bella finds a funny item on the ground, not found Bella's and Edwards brain.<br/>A Crack fic bashing the twilight series....<br/>Probably the only time you'll see this series by any of us.</p><p>Brought to you by our Discord group, creators.. well me,  MistraltheSkelegirl,  FireladyofInk,  ChaosDancer12, and MoonAndStarsAlign</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Edward Cullen/Bella Swan</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>3</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Nuke Sparklebutt the Vamp</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It was a beautiful day in forks nowhere, and idiot Bella had found her husband laying with a new toy.<br/>"Whats that?" she asked her sparkle boy.</p><p>"A nuke I can shove into his eyeballs." Misty said dryly.</p><p>"Oh! who are you?" Bella asked spotting the newcomer, totally letting the part of Nuke miss her brain.</p><p>"I am the sun." Said a flat voice.</p><p>"Fear me." It said, tendrils of painfully bright flame creeping around the corner.</p><p>"...... someone who hates the books and movies with a burning passion, you emo, angst ridden, dumbass teenager."</p><p>"No one is fearing me." The flame continued in the same dead voice.</p><p>"Why did I do this."</p><p>"Edward... I think its a sex toy," Bella said stupidly.</p><p>"How would that work," Edward said looking at the item.</p><p>Misty twitched, then looked at Sinead. "Fuck this, I'm calling Alucard."</p><p>Alucard was unfortunately on Vacation feasting on fools in disneyland.</p><p>Misty found him and handed him a black book.</p><p>She glanced back, still expressionless until her voice gained sudden emotion, maintaining the dead look.</p><p>
  <strong>"PRAISE THE SUN."</strong>
</p><p>The half dead looking wolfgirl snorted.</p><p>A laywer walked over and passed Sinead a lawsuit for copyright.</p><p>It burned immediately, the flame regarding him dryly.</p><p>"I'm immortal," The lawyer smirked, and vanished after passing her an immortal lawsuit.</p><p>"The worst kind." Came the muttered response, the woman just tossing the paper over her shoulder, where it promptly vanished.</p><p>Misty sat up, mostly recovered.</p><p>"I'm gonna go talk to Alice.... she and Jasper are the only decent ones, I think....."</p><p>At that moment Edward tripped over Bellas lost brains, and stumbled to the floor. The nuke landed in his butt.</p><p>
  <strong>BEEP BEEP</strong>
</p><p>Misty looked at Sinead. "....... yeah, I'm going now."</p><p>"I'm going to immolate someone." Sinead stated conversationally, staring boredly at the klutzy vampire.</p><p>The beeping got faster.</p><p>Misty left, to go troll the wolves.</p><p>"Don't be like Thanos and Ant-Man, buddy." She smiled faintly before disappearing.</p><p>Misty managed to successfully troll a certain hardheaded moron before leaving....</p><p>"Bella, I don't think this is a sex toy," Edward said suddenly.</p><p>"Maybe its a mens only sex toy," Bella said.</p><p>"Makes sense since it fits my butt," Sparklespire responded.</p><p>
  <strong>BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP</strong>
</p><p>
  <em>CLICK</em>
</p><p>There was a huge explosion.</p><p>Forks was wiped out.</p><p>"Awwww... I missed the show..." Chaos pouted, when she arrived.</p><p><strong>"WAIT I FORGOT ABOUT THE COUNTRYSIDE, </strong><em>NNNNOOOOOO-"</em> A voice wailed from somewhere within the blast zone.</p><p>Fire giggled and ate her popcorn, Misty should have been faster if she wanted the nuke in Mr Sparkled eyes.</p><p>Misty was watching the show from Gravity Falls.</p><p>Chaos sighed, and she started to roast some marshmallows.</p><p>Align was staring at the sky contemplating what she'd seen.</p>
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